no control. no instruction booklet. we act. we react. we hurt and hurt and hurt. the cold sweat. the knot in the throat. the words that came out of your mouth will never return. like rabid dogs they'll chew and chew and eviscarate and gut. no leash. your tongue a gattling gun. the mind whites out. the beer and the evil. hurt your own blood. hurt and hurt and hurt.
is it the beer, is it the love? is it that i still care some for a few? blood runs yellow. i feel scared. i feel the mess, i can photograph the mess, i can videotape the mess. can i erase it?
i ask for you god
i beg for you god
arrest me god
take me with you god
bye bye tear
bye bye tear two and three
4 5 and 6
nico, this is what you made for yourself. this is what you took so much care for.
your own fucked up kingdom of drunkness and dark
planted the seeds yourself. doubted your charm. forsaked your aura. raped your angel.
keep wearing the costume. the one that says i don't care in huge invisible letters
nico, sorry for doing this to myself.
but you wanted it. and you (I) were brave enough to accept it. why is it burning and hurting again?
como si no hubiera pasado un solo dia. como si tuvieras 23 otra vez. te acuerdas? de todo? de la gorda en la tienda, la novia del paralitico? te acuerdas de las noches buscando putas para alabar? de los buses que te arrullaban y te dejaban lejos de tu cama? de tus palabras, tus acciones, tu veneno, tu pasion, tu pocima, tus letras, tu deseo? desea algo por un largo tiempo. asegurate de que no te vaya a joder en el culo cuando lo tengas ahi.
recuerdas las tardes en el balcon de tu amigo?
que sentias?
Tranquilidad.
donde esta esa T ahora?
me la bebi hace 649 semanas.
que haras esta semana?
beber.
para que?
para olvidar.
olvidar que?
que debo ir a la carcel.
por que debes ir a la carcel?
por beber.
ahhh. veo.
(hago silencio) mis lagrimas son ninjas.
que es lo peor de todo?
que quiera quedarme en la carcel.
como asi?
no salir, querer permanecer. saber que ahi estare bien. eso siento.
que sigue, nicolas?
de que?
de ti, de tus deseos, tu vida?
de mi nada, sere el de barba.
deseo silencio.
mi vida deberia ser mudez.
3:30 pm septiembre 25 del 09
Sounds so familiar. Like I was there. Watching you. Like an angel. Not a good one. Just an angel. A 21 year old angel with no wings. Maybe I was one of those beers. Maybe I was a jail. Maybe I'm just the memory of that muteness your life is supposed to be.
ReplyDelete