an apology

We should have been given a limited amount of apologies to last our lifetime.  This way humans would have had to be extra careful with what they do, act, say, write.  Having an unlimited amount of apologies only makes us lazy and careless. 

I used my last apology today.  The last sincere apology.  I'm out.  No extra apologies hidden under the bed.  I used my last apology today and it feels liberating.

I will never have to apologize ever again.
Apologies are excuses to keep fucking things up.
But now that I have no more "sorries" to spit out
i'm sure my steps will be well guided and thought before taken.

I apologize to you.

The Jesus Stage

I'm a 33 year old man.  I call myself a man because anatomically  that is what I represent.  A man.  I think and act like (most) men do.  Soccer, beer, boobs, pleasure, sleeping in, not caring, porn, not watching romantic comedies...  But the truth is i'm a child.  A scared shitless boy who refuses to grow or just does not know how the fuck to do it.  

I have a job as a second grade teacher assistant.  This I do with all my love and respect.  I might feel too comfortable doing it, it's almost natural.  At the same time i'm surrounded by kids and that may disguise my lack of maturity.  Still, teaching is what I do and I do it with my heart.  This could be the one thing i'm certain of, but then again i'd still love to become the world's best filmmaker...

When it comes to love and relationships you can say I have the Midas Touch of Shit.  I have had the most amazing women love me deeply.  All of them ready to sacrifice traditions, ideals, purposes, inheritances, etc.  I never took importance in this, as a matter of fact, I never saw how selfish and immature and uncompromising my actions and words were.  I am an asshole.  and a dick.  Now i'm alone.  And those ladies deserve all the happiness this life can hand them.  They went through high tides of shit while dealing with me as their love partner.  I can still remember how happy they got when I, unconsciously, stopped being a selfish prick and pleased them in a way or another.  Their eyes gleamed as if thinking this man in front of me is just covered in shit but there is a diamond below, all he needs is a long shower.  that never came...  I apologize to each an every one of the women who had the ______________ of knowing me, living with me, making love to me.

The End (for now)

Inicio GOLDEN ORPHAN

Era imposible sentirse mejor.  La muerte de su padre llegó en un buen momento de su vida, ese mismo día cumplía 33 años.  Ahora con una fortuna a su nombre, gracias a la herencia de su padre, sabía que el mundo estaba a sus pies.  Era difícil no sonreír aun estando frente a un centenar de personas que lloraban mientras la tierra cubría el ataúd.  Se llevó las manos a la cara y cubriéndose la boca sonrió plenamente.  La paciencia había dado sus frutos: era un huérfano dorado.

Cuando su madre murió, a causa de un error mecánico en el Boeing 747 con destino a Paris, él sintió como una parte de su corazón se iba con ella.  Fácilmente remplazó esa  porción de corazón ausente con una  Model 29 .44 Magnum.  Su padre, en cambio, nunca pudo recuperarse de la pérdida de su mujer y cayó en una depresión que se extendería hasta robarle el último aliento. 

El funeral de la madre transcurrió bajo una llovizna.  El padre nunca quitó su mano izquierda del hombro de su hijo mientras duró la ceremonia.  Dando suaves pero firmes apretones el padre parecía estarle comunicando a su hijo, por código morse, que a partir de ese instante se comenzaría a derrumbar.  El hijo puso su mano sobre la de su padre y le obsequió tres palmadas contestándole también en clave: adelante.

Con ambos padres bajo tierra y una fortuna a su disposición el huérfano dorado era creador y dueño del nuevo mundo que construiría una vez firmara los papeles legales.  O en su defecto marcara con una x.  Básico.

Unplanned Trip

as soon as she dumped him, he was calling an ex.
of course, the ex said: sure, i'll be here.

they fucked the stars out of the sky.

and then he started crying.
and she felt disgusted and pissed.
she had fcuked the same idiot again
she swallowed
kissed
tapped
licked
caressed
drowned
once again with the same idiot

as he sobbed, she left the room and walked towards the kitchen.
the sobs got louder.
she looked at her vagina and said i'm sorry
the sobs turned into hiccups

the hiccups became a mute groan
like the one that might escape from your lungs, throat, mouth
when a Ginsu 2500 goes right through you. from the back to the chest.

Never call me again, I will be in Shanghai.
Muaa.

me, a song?

here it goes motherfuckers,
someone shoved a banjo up my ass
and now
everytime i fart bluegrass fills the air

liked that? here's some more of that kinda sore

got so drunk a couple a years ago i forgot to shower
for 5 months straight in a row
never got fired, just looked and sniffed upon and then fed IAMS.
stray dogs in India might have a chance in LA

more? please say no!

right, o'right, here I go

had a couple of bucks in my pocket a very long time ago
spare change
felt like thousands to my blind fingers
so decided to go to a tittie bar
got kicked out of the goddamned place
apparently you are not supposed to throw nickels dimes or quarters to the QUEENS.
it's for their laundry, I said as an open hand got me right in the left corner of my mouth,
KO'ing me right into next week's sunday.

shall I keep going?
just sing it

Worth

she wrapped jazz around her body

rented a room for blues on the back-alley of her tongue

musica she yelled as plates and cups flew through the air

i found refuge behind a sonata sofa

that her mother gave her ex-husband

now I know why the guy left.

MUSICA DAME LA MUSICA

honey, I do not have it in me, with me, within me... on me, under me.

Maybe above me.

A vase swooshes and crashes against the wall.

Crawling to safety I found the rocking chair we bought at the Salvation Army when we were dating and slid underneath.

ROCK AIN'T GONNA SAVE YOU!

baby, I might as well give it a try...

Ransom

dejame encerrar en esta caja toda la oscuridad
tu oscuridad, la mia, la de tu perro y la de mi vecina, la stripper.

permiteme depositar en ella todas las lagrimas
las del presidente, las de tu mama cuando quedo viuda, las mias, las de mi vecina, la stripper.

en esta caja dejame meter todas tus caras
la triste, la de empute, la feliz, la del orgasmo real, la del fingido, la de borracha, la de santa.

en ella guardare el poste donde se desliza mi vecina la stripper, tres periodicos anunciando la muerte de tres diferentes personas, el nacimiento de tres exactos y la extincion de un pajaro.

en ella metere todos mis insultos hacia ti, los que te dije de borracho, los de ardido, los de celoso, los de imbecil y los de cobarde.

cubiertos con celofan azul.

en esta caja guardare el cadaver de un hamster y lo que quedo del bonsai despues de aquel pequeño incendio.

la caja pesa lo que pesa un gemido, lo que pesa una gota de semen, lo que pesa un alivio.

sin avisarte tambien meti en ella dos payasos. buena suerte con ese par. ten a mano el numero de la policia.

esa caja la he dejado con tu hermano menor sabiendo que el pendejo muere por GI Joe. Me dijo que no era su cumpleaños todavia.
Si lo es, hoy lo es, le conteste.

Por favor, vuelve.